She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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