i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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