i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
