Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
