just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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