You smell like a Billy Joel song
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
