you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
