My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
