we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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