I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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