Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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