So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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