he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
