Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
