he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Found the puke drawer
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
