He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
