oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
