The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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