I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
