we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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