I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
