he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
