you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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