Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
