on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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