i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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