Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hippo gnu deer
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
