He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
