@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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