Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
