Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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