Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
