Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
