Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
