You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You ate ashes out of my bong
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
