At least make sure they are 18
Why
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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