i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
