she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
