it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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