yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
