I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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