Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
