Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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