You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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