hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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