and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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