Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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