Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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