i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
