apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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