My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
