so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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