he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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